Sometimes life deals us a tough blow and we don’t know how to pick ourselves up. For students, it could be failing a test, not getting into the grad school of their choice, not making the team or bad results on their SAT. For adults, it could be a life altering event like a death in the family, loss of a job or a sick child.
How can we get past this trauma and live our lives with loving kindness? We feel anguish when we face disappointment, fear, and embarrassment.
Resilient individuals are those that have a mindset that allows the to cope with problems as they arise. Dr. Robert Brooks and Dr. Sam Goldstein, in their book “The Power of Resilience”, state that resilient individuals are influenced by a set of assumptions that include:
- Feeling in control of one’s life.
- Being empathic
- Displaying effective communication and interpersonal skills
- Possessing solid problem solving and decision making skills
- Establishing realistic goals and expectations
- Learning from both success and failure
- Being a compassionate and contributing member of society
- Living a responsible life based on thoughtful values
- Knowing how to manage stress
Possessing a resilient mindset does not mean that we are free of emotions, stress, conflict or pressure. Rather it means that we have a coping mechanism to help us through the tough times.
I write in my gratitude journal a few times per week. Each morning when I walk the dog, I try to listen to the singing of the birds and lock out perseverating thoughts. I value my connections and try to touch base with friends and family, even with a short text or Facebook comment. I am not afraid to fail, its just another challenge.
Life is not a bowl of cherries. Sometimes we take detours. Notice what happens when you take a diversion. Don’t be judgmental, be willing to learn. Remember, life is a journey.