I had the pleasure to see Chalmers Brothers, the author of “Language and the Pursuit of Happiness” speak at a conference. His ideas about language got me thinking. Rene Descarte said “I think therefore, I am”. Does this mean that if we think bad things about ourselves that we are actually bad? What messages do we send ourselves in our inner dialogs?
Humans start out as toddlers speaking out loud to themselves. We gradually learn to talk to ourselves so others don’t hear. This is called internalized speech. Our language lets us create our thoughts and stories. We have the ability to interpret, create explanations and build internal narratives for ourselves. It’s important to recognize what we actually are saying to ourselves.
I have noticed that many of my clients with ADHD come to coaching saying things like, “I am lazy.” “I am not motivated at school.” “My boss does not like me.” “I will never be successful at my job.” “My teacher is mean.” Is this the truth or is this the story that we believe? When we believe the explanation of what happened is the truth, we often stop listening to other perspectives.
What do these negative thoughts mean for coaching? I believe that the first step is to work with my clients to help them observe and become aware of that inner dialog. This means taking the time to notice what you say to yourself when something goes well or doesn’t go well. Look at yourself with new neutral eyes.
Before you can produce positive action steps, you must shift your beliefs to a more positive way of being. If your interior world is negative, how can you believe that you can be a success or even be motivated to try something new? Without changing the self talk it will be hard to produce new results.
What do you observe about your self talk? What do you notice about your interior world? Is your language creating barriers to your success? If you notice that negativity is draining you, try something different. Empower yourself with hopeful, optimistic and resilient language. My appeal is for you to talk with a coach to explore how you can shift your inner language. It can make a difference in your success.